Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
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I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dignity is for republicans.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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