The maid of honor just puked.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
