Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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