Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize