Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
