Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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