Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
