1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
