I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
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