you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
