ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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