im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
