I cannot find my penis.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
