she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
