glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
