I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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