Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
