Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
