If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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