Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
