so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
