dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
