what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
