all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
worst night to have a conscience
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh god it's open bar.
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