Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
