Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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