can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
