Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
