Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
