Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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