come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
