This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
