billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
