dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
