Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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