end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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