From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
