He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
