We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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