He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
