Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I looked at my own cervix.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
