last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
