your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
