I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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