I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My balls are so social today.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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