maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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