Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
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there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
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New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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