I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
