hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
