My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
