gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
