Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
