I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
