your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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