Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
