I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
