I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
