Too much gin, very little bucket
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
