Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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