Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
