College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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