I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
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We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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