im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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