New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
