I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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