i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
