literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
