May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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