The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
