I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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