Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
