I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
