Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
