I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
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I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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