May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
