Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
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