Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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