Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
