I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
