I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
