My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
