That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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