My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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